Fun In So Many Flavors
by Wordgawk
Summary: Snake goes out for fun and runs into the human disaster Johnny he'd rather forget. MGS2 centered with a dash of MGS1 and even a sprinkle of MGS3.
1. The Offer

Author's note: Wow, where to start! This story has been kicked around by my typing fingers for the longest time. It has been shot, stabbed, turned upside down, thrown in fire... basically the story was almost not written because I didn't like the direction it first headed in. I am very pleased with how the story turned out compared to my first draft. Please R & R!

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Fun In So Many Flavors

_Thump, thump._

At a surrogate home somewhere warm and city-like, Solid Snake, who hummed to himself contently as he showered, was unaware of the sound over the rush of running water. When the dull thudding repeated again, this time a little louder, he stopped his tune and accidentally blinked in an eyeful of soap.

"Damn it!" He gritted his teeth and solved that the front door should get the yell of more censored profanities and not the shower head. He rinsed out his eyes and swiftly shut off the tap. He threw on a pair of pants, and his towel began to work on his sopping hair as he made his way down the stairs to the front door. The person there had now resorted to ringing the doorbell instead of knocking.

_Whoever it is sure is persistent, _he thought with a grumble. The peephole installation popped into his mind when the front door came into view, as it had reminded him millions of times before. Ironic, that the guy who helped save the world didn't even have a simple peephole for his own home. Then again, this house Snake occupied was rented so it wasn't like he was obligated to do a ton of renovating. If he was actually back home in Alaska, a firing surveillance camera would do the job with pesky visitors on the doorstep.

He yanked the door open. He was stunned to find a total mind-blowing vision from an equally surprised female. She stared too. Her ebony hair was braided with a red ribbon that matched the color of the skirt she wore. The dress fit the owner very, very well. Snake found his jaw almost hanging open but his swift mouth reflexes made him smile instead. "May I help you?" he asked in an extra smooth voice.

The girl blinked twice before craning her neck back to check the house number. "Um, I think I have the wrong house. Is Snake here?"

Snake almost fell over. Common sense slammed upside his head and he recognized who he gawked at. "Mei Ling?"

The graduate student's brown eyes grew as wide as saucers when she heard him speak. "Snake?" She peered closer at his face, then broke into a grin. "Wow, it is you! I didn't recognize you at all without your Sneaking Suit! Boy, you look so different without it on."

After inviting Mei Ling in, Snake went back to the bathroom and returned with a shirt on and his hair dry. "Your visit is a surprise. Tell me it's not an emergency. More terrorists? A raid? Innocent hostages again? And I thought I had the chance to finally relax for once."

A short laugh came from her. "No, no, no, nothing like that."

"I got soap in my eyes because of you!"

"How would I know you'd be showering?" Mei Ling crossed her arms.

"Radar, perhaps? You did say you could track all of my movements with it."

"Very funny. I'm not a pervert, unlike someone I know who likes entering the ladies' bathroom on purpose."

"That was an exception and you know it."

Mei Ling shook her head like she thought otherwise. "Anyway, do you want to hang out with me today? I realized that I haven't spent time with you like Otacon does and I should."

Snake considered the offer. Truthfully, he wanted to kick back at home and not expose himself to the public. With all the worrying about being seen during the last mission, he didn't want to think about that tonight. Oh, and how good it would feel to finally kick back and stare at the bright sky lit not by the roaring fire of explosions, but from a real sun. Still, Snake figured he was being uptight. He had to go out sometime. Besides, Meryl was on an afternoon trip and Otacon was busy at home fiddling with a new computer program he got and was really excited about. Why should Snake be bored? He agreed.

"Great! We should get going!" Mei Ling chirped.

"Wait, let me get something first."

"This doesn't happen to be a sort of firearm, is it?"

He gave no reply, but she could tell anyway.

"Oh come on, Snake, we're not raiding a place!" She sighed in distraught.

"I'd feel better if I brought something," he stated flatly.

"Is that all you think about? Fighting?"

He didn't answer.

"Come on, don't do this! I want this to be a nice, regular outing." Mei Ling jumped up and took his arm. "And it _will _be nobody because we're going out in public! And hey, I'll treat."

"My tranquilizer gun, how about it? It's a non-lethal weapon." Snake tried to compromise, but he gave up when Mei Ling glared. He reached for his keys and a pack of newly acquired smokes from the coffee table.

"Drop those cigarettes," Mei Ling's sharp voice reprimanded.

"What?" Snake instinctively clutched the contents in his hand like a newborn would with a blanket.

"No smoking. I don't want to be smelling like an ashtray!"

"But they're new!" he heard himself say, and his brain scurried to come up with another not-so-lame reason. Nothing feasible came to mind.

The Asian girl shot him a unyielding look with her almond-shaped eyes. Snake silently counted to five. His fingers pried off the small box and dropped it back on the table.

"Very good, Snake."

"Just one thing." He turned to face her, his face now serious.

"Yes?"

"Don't call me Snake when we're outside."

"So what, then?"

Snake felt strange, like he was giving away a secret. "Call me by my real name, David."

"David," she repeated, trying it out.

He rolled his eyes when she kept repeating it quietly, though whether to annoy him or to drill a reminder to herself, Snake couldn't tell. "So where do you have in mind?"

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A/N: Oh where can Mei Ling have in mind? Chapter 2 will have the answer! Mei Ling doesn't get too much love in many MGS stories, so I had to include her in mine. I do owe her a thanks for sucking me into the world of MGS, so cheers to her!


	2. Choices and Concerns

Chapter 2

"So what flavor do you want?" Mei Ling rocked back and forth on her feet and looked inside her purse. She and Snake were in an ice cream parlor Snake dared to call quaint. A wide variety of ice cream beckoned to them through a thick glass counter. He was a little dazed at the simplicity of the single choice. He wasn't routing out an escape plan with grenades, guns, and smokes, no siree. It was either chocolate, mint-chip or butterscotch ice cream. Or maybe coffee. Plain vanilla would be enough if he wanted something safe. Or if he was daring, a mixture of two. 

Hmm, maybe this _was_ going to be as complex as an escape route. Heck, there were nuts and fudge to choose from too. But he really did want mint-chip. Really did. He hadn't tasted that flavor in ages.

Mei Ling pointed at a sign hanging above the counter. "Hey, there's an exotic flavor of the week."

Snake read the advertisement. "'Treat your tastebuds to the sweet and mellow delight of the golova fruit in your ice cream.'" All of a sudden, he had the overwhelming urge to try it, even more so than the mint-chip flavor. "I'm going for the special," he said firmly, ignoring the nearly empty bucket of green and brown ice cream..

"That was quick. As for me..." Mei Ling tapped her cheek, looking absolutely adorable as girls are known to do. After she stood there for a solid minute trying to pick a flavor, she finally chose a dipped bar. They got their snacks and found a convenient corner spot to sit. There were a lot of people around and that made grabbing a corner table all the sweeter.

Snake watched Mei Ling for a moment as she tried to eat her overly nut-laden treat. "Did you ask for ice cream to go with those nuts?"

"I just felt like having extra nuts, though that may have been a mistake. It's messy." A couple licks, then, "I think I may go for another if this craving keeps up. I'll treat you for a second one, if you'd like."

Snake's inner child was jumping around in ecstasy at the idea of getting a second cone. As soon as his golova treat touched his lips, he knew he had a winner. Small things bring great joy to older men who, in their childhood, were never treated to ice cream like all the other regular kids. "So what do you like to do to keep yourself company? Bug Otacon?"

Mei Ling smiled. "Sometimes. He gets testy when I interrupt him during his zen moments in front of the computer monitor, so for the most part I leave him alone. I did tell you in the past that I like reading literature on both my Chinese and English sides, so that usually takes up a biiiig chunk of my time. I really enjoy it, too! I don't mind that it's so time consuming since I learn a lot just by reading those books."

Before Mei Ling could go on, a man's voice interrupted. "Heeey..."

Snake's eyes shifted up when said man walked over to the table. The stranger wore a black balaclava which was totally out of place. The weather had spring conditions of sun and warmness and here was someone who couldn't get past winter. The guy stared at him in an odd way and Snake wondered whether or not the look called for some violence on his end.

"Can I help you?" Snake asked, going for the civil route.

"Have we met somewhere? You seem familiar to me."

Snake shrugged. "Nope."

"I swear I've met you before. This is gonna sound funny, but have you ever been to a nuclear disposal facility? Maybe at an oil plant?"

Snake's eyes almost bugged out. How could an ordinary civilian know about his involvement at Shadow Moses or the Big Shell facility? This wasn't looking good. "No, I haven't been to one before." The response was cool.

"Oh. Maybe I'm thinking about someone else," the stranger said, confused. Right then, a low moaning noise Snake never forgot the sound of gurgled from the man's stomach. His mouth began to open in disbelief when he heard the man's gripe of bad digestion and being around beautiful women, and then Snake _knew_. The pained victim of the gastrointestinal problem apologized for the inconvenience and left in a hurry.

Mei Ling, looking delighted and perplexed at the same time, shook her head. "What's that about? What's wrong?"

Snake's vision didn't stray from the man until he had dragged himself a couple tables away and sat. "I've seen that person before," Snake confided. "At Shadow Moses. And the Big Shell."

Mei-Ling's mouth fell open. "You're kidding."

"His name is Johnny."

She looked funny at Snake. "How do you know?"

Snake paused. Weird, how did he know? He shrugged casually. "A past life. That's gotta be it. I should've equipped my SOCOM."

."And if you had, you'd be serious in actually using it in public? Yeah, that doesn't scream 'I'm not Snake.'" Mei Ling hissed.

"I could get behind him and take him down by his scrawny neck. It'd be quieter."

"No! That's even worse! The rest of us are eating! Some of us have low tolerances for seeing blood, y'know!"

"So what am I going to do? Throw my ice cream and freeze him? Say, there's a plan." Snake's tone dripped with venomous sarcasm.

A deep frown settled between her eyebrows, almost replicating Snake's own glare to very bad news. "That would show them all right." Mei Ling's face then morphed to her buoyant self. "Who says you have to do all the work?"

He was getting annoyed, fast. "Do you think these people would be willing to fight a killer? I doubt it!"

A simpering grin crossed her lips. "I can do it. I don't need guns."

"What!" Snake's hand clamped on her wrist when he saw her rise. "Do you have any idea what you're saying_?"_

"If I get him out of the way, you can be free to leave. What's so hard to understand about that?"

"He's a killer Mei Ling. You're volunteering for target practice?"

"I won't be target practice. If I jumped at him with a gun in hand, then yes, I would be putting myself up as a bull's-eye. I'll go over there, charm him over, and then you can walk out of this shop." Crazy Mei Ling looked _happy _to go.

Snake's brain lagged as he tried to process all this. "You are Mei Ling, right? The one that did some life-saving a billion times while I was infiltrating bases and taking down too many soldiers to count?"

She ignored him. "I'll distract him and you can go. It'll only take a minute. I'll catch up with you outside around the corner. Catch ya later." She got up and headed for Johnny's table before Snake could argue more. He groaned but waited, half curious to see what she was about to do.

Mei Ling, purse swinging, sidled up next to Johnny. "Excuse me, are you feeling ok?"

Johnny raised his head and looked distressed, as if a girl had never spoke to him before. "Uh, um, not really. I wanna have ice cream but I don't know if I should."

"I'll get one for you. Mint-chip. Strawberry. Come on, who can resist a sundae, even? You can't drop by an ice cream parlor and not have anything." Her elbow nudged him a bit.

Looking thoughtful, Johnny agreed, "You're right. I wanted to have the mint-chip. I heard it's good."

Mei Ling smiled. "That's great! I'll get it for you. Just stay right there."

In the corner, Snake pouted. Great, now this dummy gets the mint-chip cone he wanted? Mei Ling went to the front counter and Snake's face fell when the faint voice of the woman behind the counter uttered deadly words:

"You're lucky. You just got the last of the mint-chip ice cream."

Damn!

As the older man tried to gain control of his tattered emotions, Mei Ling carried the confection to Johnny and pulled up a seat across from him. Snake eyed Johnny with deep annoyance. This moron got the last of the second flavor of ice cream he wanted and Mei Ling was getting chatty with him. Oh, he was going to pay all right.


	3. New Mission

Chapter 3

20 boring minutes later -at least that's how much time Snake guessed- he had grown bored listening to Mei Ling giggling and chattering. He could have cared less about Johnny's life stories as he talked of woes and missed opportunities that his complaining stomach had caused. What Snake really cared abut this minute was getting a cigarette into his mouth and inhaling those rhapsodic fumes. He had a hankering for a smoke. Bad.

He had determined two minutes into Mei Ling's conversation that she did an admirable job in diffusing the danger. He assumed she would figure it out and leave, but she showed no notice when he tried to subtly hint with a wave of his hand that it was time for her to get out. But nooo, she kept going on and on. Now Snake couldn't handle anymore. He weaved his way through tables until he reached Mei Ling, the plan now entirely pointless. "It's time to go."

Mei Ling stopped talking with Johnny, looked somewhat startled at the intrusion, then pinned Snake with an expression kids wore when they wanted to stay up past their bedtime. "Now?"

"Yes." He tried to sound pleasant.

Mei Ling stood and fiddled with her purse strap as she said to her company, "Oh, time really passes when you're having fun! I must get going."

"Well, thanks for the ice cream. It was really good." Johnny nodded. His stomach took over right then and he moaned.

Snake took this opportunity to seize Mei Ling's arm and guide her outside. Once they had passed through the doors, Snake demanded, "What was that all about?'

"Distraction?"

"My definition of distraction is a diversion that takes less than ten seconds."

"Well, okay, so I took a little longer than I intended, but look how calm he was. He looked almost vicious when I first reached his table. Ice cream softened him up."

"He's wearing a face mask. You can't see his expression."

The woman grinned cheekily. "Whatever. I had fun."

"Ugh. Did you learn anything useful at all while you were making friends?"

Mei-Ling pondered. "Well, Johnny wears that cap because he believes if his head gets cold, it will affect his stomach and make his problems worse. Poor guy."

That was it! Sympathy for the enemy was inexcusable. Snake moved to leave when somebody suddenly chirped his codename in greeting. Mei Ling and he turned sharply to see Rose and Raiden standing hand-in-hand. They looked at them in wonder.

"The name's David," he reminded Raiden, half-annoyed and relieved.

"Sorry. Anyway, it's been what, a month since we last saw each other? You look good," Raiden commented with a smile. "You're not getting drunk every night, I hope." After the incident with Solidus and Co., the two guys had crossed paths every so often. Usually Otacon was the one who gathered everyone together with his anime movie nights. Whenever he bought a new release, he wanted to hear different opinions besides Snake's, "What, there's no booze in this series? Bor-ing." Raiden and Rose often provided hilarious results since they rarely agreed about movies.

Snake appraised his friend. "You don't look so shabby yourself. Got a new wardrobe or something?" The blond kid wore a classy t-shirt and a pair of pretty tight jeans. On the occasions Snake had seen him, his clothes of choice could only be described as excessively baggy, so today's outfit was a switch.

The corners of Raiden's blue eyes crinkled in embarrassment. "Pretty much. I didn't have much stuff to wear and Rose helped me out by chipping in for some clothes." He turned his back to Snake. "Do these jeans make my butt look huge? Rose keeps making fun of me and never gives me a straight answer."

"I do too! You just don't listen," came Rose's stubborn reply.

Snake raised an eyebrow at the absurdity of discussing large backsides with Raiden. His day was getting stranger by the minute. "You have nothing to worry about. Those pants are nothing compared to your outfit when you were at the Big Shell."

Raiden groaned. "How could I forget? That outfit was named the Skull Suit for a reason. Thanks, Snake. That was helpful." He shot a triumphant smirk at Rose, who, in turn, rolled her eyes. Snake introduced an amused Mei Ling to the couple.

"Could we join you two?" Rose asked politely.

"Um, we have run into a bit of a problem." Mei Ling looked at Snake.

"Yeah, unexpected company," he added with a nod inside the shop.

Raiden jumped ahead. "Oh, you two are on a date and someone is bugging you? We understand. We get that sometimes too. It's hard to come up with excuses, you know?"

Snake frowned. "We're not dating. That soldier Johnny from the plant is in there."

Absorbing this tidbit of info, Raiden did the unthinkable. He let go of Rose's hand and plastered his hands on the glass of the window, his eyes scanning inside. Rose whispered something about fighting always being in his blood.

Snake's mouth turned upwards. If Raiden took the job of making Johnny's day worse instead of him, that meant he was free! The girls raised eyebrows when Snake slung an uncharacteristic arm around Raiden's thin shoulders. Raiden even jumped. "So, you feel like taking him out?"

"Do I? You bet!" Raiden agreed with vigor, then in the next instant he pulled off an apologetic expression. "Sorry, Rose. He's a dangerous guy. He should be taken care of."

Like that was remotely true, but what would the girls know? Raiden knew it, and so did Snake. Snake pretended to wholeheartedly agree.

Rose sighed at her date. "Fine. I don't want you taking too long. And I want you to be careful. You haven't trained for a long time. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Raiden's voice already took on a mission tone of brevity. It was almost a dismissal and Rose started to look pissed.

Mei Ling's face had innocence written over it. "We girls will discuss about you guys while you're away. Um, have fun?"

The excited blond nodded. Snake did too and waited expectantly.

"Snake? What's wrong?" the woman asked.

"I get no proverbs? You are here and all."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, that's right." Mei Ling glanced at Rose and explained. "This is something I did for Snake during his mission in Shadow Moses."

"Proverbs? You told him proverbs?" Raiden sounded slightly hurt. He faced his girlfriend. "Rose, how come you never told me any? All I got were questions about the importance of April 30th. Did you think those would encourage me during my mission?"

Rose shifted from one foot to the other, trying hard not to glare at any one person. "It didn't occur to me."

Mei Ling paused for a long moment, probably sensing the tension between the lovebirds. She shrugged apologetically at Snake. "Sorry, David. I can't think of any right now."

"Not a big deal," Snake replied, spying the ill Johnny who had rose from his seat to head to the bathroom. Snake nodded at him and muttered to Raiden, "We'll follow him when he comes out. He doesn't know what he's up against."

"He bugged you too? I hear ya," Raiden agreed with a nod.

Rose kissed her boyfriend. "I'll meet you back at your place."

"Okay, I'll see you later. I'll be fine. I can handle a little mission like this." Raiden pushed back his shoulder-length hair in a show of confidence.

...to which Snake promptly fisted a handful and began to walk. Raiden yelped in protest and tried to free himself. Snake merely responded, "Hey, you did say you wanted to go."

Stumbling along with the girls giggling behind them, Raiden batted at the hand which gripped his hair. "Yeah, but I'd like to keep my hair! This is not a wig!"

Johnny had finished his business and walked out of the shop, passing by the group without paying attention to any of them. He appeared less sick, but still preoccupied with his stomach.

Snake figured the two of them would be more stealthy if he wasn't holding his loud partner's hair prisoner, so he let go and trailed behind Johnny. Raiden glared at Snake before following.

Things were going at a steady pace for five minutes before Raiden spoke up to his partner. "So what's the plan? We get behind the guy and kill him off?"

Snake shrugged. Maybe Johnny's stomach would find some peace if its owner didn't have to contend with it 24 hours a day. They just had no compatibility with each other whatsoever. Finishing him off seemed like it would do him a favor.

Raiden added, "But Sna- I mean, David, maybe the guy doesn't deserve it."

The taller man's green gaze shifted over at the shorter man's face, who had taken on a thoughtful expression. "Deserve what?"

"Death. I mean, sure the guy was a pain the butt when we were on missions, but to do this is so final. What if the guy has a family? A girlfriend? Maybe even a dog? They would miss him if he were gone from their lives. This is forever we're talking about."

The tapping sounds of their footsteps, chattering people and busy traffic life were the only noises between them while Snake considered Raiden's poignant words. The kid did have a point. "So what you saying? This stroll we're taking serves no purpose at all but to improve our honing skills? You want to turn back?"

A sly grin crossed Raiden's lips. "Well, we're already out here and the girls aren't around. We should take this chance to, uh, get some exercise. Think of it as us hanging out without the fatalities. What's so bad about that?"

"Nothing, actually. The idea does sound pretty good. We can still bug Johnny today and save him for later." Snake rubbed his hands together. "This could mean multiple torture sessions if we run into him in the future. Jack, you are brilliant."

Raiden laughed nervously. "Uh, David, that's not what I was thinking of..."

"...maybe I could ask Otacon to make another tracking device and then I could..." Snake was mumbling to himself.

"Um, Snake, helloooo?"


	4. Admiration

Chapter 4

Raiden and Snake, the inconspicuous trackers, finally saw Johnny directing himself to a specific location: the mall. Snake normally despised going there because of the crowds of shoppers and the fruitless money spending, but today he was on a mission and crowds meant great cover for hiding. Well, he was supervising, but that didn't mean he couldn't appreciate stealth opportunities.

Raiden's face had started to take on a joyful cheer when they entered the place. "Oh man, David, I can't wait!" he chirped.

"Don't get too carried away now," Snake reminded Raiden. Too late, the blond was almost _bouncing _with each step.

"But it's been so long! God, I haven't practiced shooting in ages."

"Not even with the tranq gun under your pillow?" Snake joked.

Raiden looked caught, like having weaponry lying around the house was unorthodox. "I try to um, practice on Rose but when she wakes up she beats me hard. The bruises hurt. I keep telling her The Powers That Be will need my services again someday, but she never believes a word. Then another argument starts when she demands to know who these Powers That Be are. I tell her I can't explain it but she gets mad."

"That's women for you," Snake grumbled, his attention still riveted on Johnny. "They don't listen to things you say and things end up being your fault."

"That quirk is part of their charm. Rose can be so cute when she yells at me." A dreamy look crossed Raiden's face.

Snake shook his head. "Whatever. We're avoiding the subject of women, remember? Let's focus."

"Always about work," Raiden grumbled. "What a shock." He brightened as Johnny headed into a toy store. Eventually Johnny parked himself in front of a table with an impressive layout of motorized trains. Fawning ensued. While Johnny was busy fiddling with the bells and whistles of the little trains, Raiden and Snake hid behind a tall shelf a couple feet behind him.

Snake noticed that Raiden looked slightly antsy; he hoped it didn't mean the kid was going to do something dumb. "Now what?" he asked quietly.

Looking around, Raiden grinned and picked up a hefty toy rifle from a nearby shelf. He began opening the box.

Right then, a perky female employee was standing there next to them, catching both men by surprise. "Excuse me, sir, you can't open the package-"

The woman's words cut off as Snake stepped behind her and clamped a hand over her mouth. His maneuver looked remarkably similar to a chokehold and for a moment, Raiden seemed to believe it. "David! What are you doing?"

"Being helpful. Do your thing." The girl struggled and Snake said to her, "We're only borrowing, not stealing. He'll be done soon."

"And he's not a killer, really," Raiden piped in helpfully, which earned him a scowl from Snake. He deftly opened the rest of the packaging on the toy gun He looked at it, then back at the packaging, and a slightly crestfallen expression filled his face.

"What?" Snake asked.

"This gun has some feature called the Ratta-Bang-Bang. It's supposed to be loud and simulates real gunfire."

"Yeah?"

"We don't want to kill Johnny," Raiden reminded his mentor.

Snake lifted a brow. "You're not using a real gun."

Raiden simply stared at him like he was oblivious. "Sure, but the realistic gunfire will probably drop him dead before he realizes the noise isn't real."

"What's your point?"

"He's a moron!" Raiden said loudly. He instantly covered his mouth, then peeked around the corner of the shelf he stood behind. Nothing wrong, Johnny's attention hadn't deterred from the trains.

Patiently, Snake responded, "No, _you're _the moron if you don't do something soon. I'll probably get arrested if we keep hanging out here." The saleswoman in his hold was on the verge of losing consciousness by the shade of blue on her face. He added hurriedly, "C'mon, she's not going to last much longer. Try using these." He nodded to a shelf of foam-reloading toy guns near his head.

"Foam balls? What good are these?"

Snake's head shook. Raiden could be so clueless. "Jack, Jack, didn't you learn from the Big Shell? You don't necessarily need to kill to take down someone."

Blankly, Raiden blinked, then the familiar dawn of remembrance entered his bright blue eyes. He chuckled, embarrassed. "Right, sorry. I haven't done this in some time. Ok, I'm good." He grabbed a box with another toy gun, only this one was not as non-lethal. Looking mighty pleased, he loaded up three rounds and took aim.

_Ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk! _ One ball sailed over Johnny's bowed head, the second smacked the edge of the table, and like all good results, the last one knocked the unsuspecting guy on the side of the head. Staying incognito was all over for Raiden when he, ever so joyful at hitting his target, whooped out loud before he could contain himself.

Johnny spun around and spotted Raiden. "Hey, what was that for?"

The exuberant man lowered his toy and cleared his throat. "Er, nothing. Just testing out the toys on this shelf."

"Well, watch it next time! I'm looking at this train set and you disturbed me."

Shooting Snake an incredulous look, Raiden responded in a dissatisfied tone, "Right. Sorry." Johnny turned away and Raiden deflated slightly. He shrugged at Snake at how the excitement was gone in less time it took to breathe. Big fun. Raiden placed the gun back on the shelf.

Snake's "hostage" was let go and the woman slumped to the floor, gasping for air. He murmured an apology to her and then said to Raiden, "So, wanna watch a movie?" Snake stretched his arms and began to walk out of the store.

Before Raiden could answer, Johnny interrupted him. He was giving Raiden an odd look. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

Snake tried not to appear bored. Raiden, unaccustomed to favorable attention, answered, "No, I don't think so."

There was a moment of intense peering from Johnny, then he snapped his fingers. "Hey, you're that effeminate guy from the Big Shell."

"I'm not effeminate! At least I looked better than any of you freaks at that facility!" Raiden explosively protested. Snake shook his head. The kid just gave himself away.

Johnny slowly moved towards the blonde, a gleam in his eyes. "It is you! I hate you! You always flaunted that long hair of yours while you ran or walked, and here I was stuck wearing this mask. Heck, I still am because I'll get sick if I don't! I can't show off my hair. You still are!"

"Wha-?" Raiden backed away. Snake was impressed. Maybe Johnny had more to him than a bad stomach.

"Your youthful hair. I want it!"

"It's not a wig, so forget it!" Raiden ran out of the store and Snake jogged after him. Snake couldn't stop grinning for some reason. He stopped smiling when he heard a cry from behind. Johnny, driven by pretty boy hair lust, was chasing them.

Raiden covered his head with his hands. "Damn, I knew my hair would get me into trouble one day."

Dodging shoppers with amazing finesse, Snake asked, "It's your show. What will you do?"

Thinking for a moment, Raiden suddenly stopped and doubled back. "Giving a show."

Confused, Snake watched him go. Raiden let out a jungle holler when he saw Johnny and Snake wondered if Raiden's hair was really such a sensitive topic for him. Apparently it was when Raiden leapt at Johnny with a hand balled in a fist. Raising his arms in defense, Johnny blocked a punch. His eyes widened when he was choked from behind.

"This is for making my day!" Raiden growled, bloodlust shimmering in his eyes.

Raiden was losing it! His eagerness for making a better day made him forget his vow to not kill. Feeling both slightly disgusted by resorting to it, Snake grabbed a woman's magazine from a nearby newspaper and book stand and flipped to the first lingerie ad he found. Quickly, he held it up for the crazed Raiden to see. "Hey!"

Raiden glared at Snake, but his ugly frown turned right upside down. The flopping and desperate fish known as Johnny stopped his struggle as he too made eyes at the glossy pages. Raiden released his hold. Snake tossed the magazine to Johnny, grabbed Raiden's arm and began walking away. A painful groan was heard from behind them as they moved away.

"Snake! I almost had him!" came the dispute as Raiden was being shoved to walk.

"You completely forgot about being non-violent."

"He made me mad. Everyone's always putting down my hair and he just lit my last fuse!"

Snake sighed. "You're imagining things. Rose likes it, doesn't she?"

A shy smile. "Well, you do have a point-" A magazine slammed the back of Raiden's head and he rubbed the spot. He knew what that meant. Looking behind him, Raiden saw that Johnny was still being a champ by coming after them despite a whining stomach. He stared at Snake, who knew just as well as he did that Johnny with a stomach problem always equaled terror.

They began running again.

Raiden, looking discouraged that his day wasn't getting better, pleaded, "I don't wanna be chased around all day! You gotta help me, Snake!"

So much for Snake's day off.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

When Snake thought of the words "hide" and "fast" he pulled out his trusty cardboard box, much to Raiden's amazement that he carried around the thing. They rounded a corner and Snake grudgingly told the kid to get in. Raiden promptly sat in the cardboard haven and Snake folded the big flaps over the top. He stood next to the box and waited. Johnny, too infatuated with Raiden's halo of hair to care about Snake, passed right by him. The chaser slowed down and suddenly looked around, confused. _Where was that shining beacon of blond hair?_ he must've been asking himself. Without it, he was lost. Johnny sighed and his shoulders sagged in disappointment, but he began walking normally and blended in with the shoppers.

Hmm, that was that.

"Is he gone yet?" a muffled voice from the box spoke.

"Yeah. You can come out now."

There was a pause. "Can I stay in the box? He might come back. And, um, I kind of like it in here."

Snake felt a laugh coming at his next words. "So you want to be a Jack-in-the-box?"

"Har, har," Raiden said dryly, but sounded amused nonetheless. "I gotta meet Rose but this box is cool. Ah, choices."

Feeling generous and a bit vigorous, Snake made the decision for Raiden and picked up the heavy box. He began to walk out of the mall to Raiden's place. Fortunately, it wasn't far. He lightly kicked the front door of Raiden's place, balancing the wide box he held in his hands. He felt reminiscent; he was usually the middleman out of him, Otacon and Raiden who exchanged borrowed stuff from each other. Whether it was Otacon's debatable anime videos or loads of junk food and condiments that required a box to carry them in, a box was most simple to haul a load of things around.

The deadbolt clicked and the door swung open. Rose blinked at seeing Snake instead her boyfriend. She eyed the box briefly before saying, "Oh, Jack's not with you?"

"He's around." Snake hefted the heavy box. "Delivery for you."

"Me? I didn't buy anything. It must belong to Jack." Rose stepped aside to let Snake in. Realization and a gasp crossed her face while she shut the door after him. "If that box is filled with girly magazines, I'm going to burn those."

"Aren't you overreacting? It's not like women don't get their men kicks from questionable sources." The box landed with a solid thump on the living room floor.

"Maybe so, but at least my sources are... intellectual." Rose was taking the snobby path.

Snake didn't know how to respond to her admission. The box did, though, when the top flaps slammed open and Raiden popped out. No winding necessary. To Snake's amazement, Raiden pulled off an angry Rose look as well as she did. He didn't think it was possible to replicate it. That woman could split a watermelon with one stony glare.

"So, you're not the most strait-laced person after all. I knew it!" Raiden chastised his girlfriend.

"Jack!" Rose threw him an unbelieving look, then switched to Snake. She shook her head as if the men were out of their minds. "What is it with you two and your box fetishes?"

THE END


End file.
